Lecture to Outreach

At the moment I am craving chai, but I do not feel like making it. And I am not even positive if we have tea leaves, so that does not help my lack of motivation. On top of that, I really need to update y'all since I have a spare moment- rather hour.
As you know, three months ago, I went off to Wisconsin for my DTS. About two weeks into it I switched focuses because I was actually going there for the other focus (I just did not know there was a school there as well for human trafficking). Each morning began with workouts, breakfast and quiet time. No matter where you went in the building it was cold, but I had weeks of mark outs in Tazo tea. Thank you Starbucks. ha ha There were a little over 60 of us in a one-story schoolhouse. We had the best times in that place.
We learned to live in a community. We fixed things before they started. We ate each others food; the germophobics eventually got over their irrational fears. ;) They obviously did not share and play with their food as children. ha If ever I thought I would learn to love living with ton of girls and have some amazing friends in those said girls, I probably laughed so hard at the thought that I snorted. (Attractive, right?) But now, I think about it and I see the women I have been living with for the last three months and I cannot help but think these girls are the best. Every one of us has meshed in a way that only our Father would have seen beforehand. And I know He has delighted in us. I'll miss the ones I do not have on my outreach team, but I am so excited about the ones I have on my team.
Having already gone through lecture together gives us an advantage. Last week, I watched my team come together. We began to respect and love each other in a way we had yet to. And we had fun. I can not wait to go.
Here I am talking about Thailand again. Let me finish about lecture first.
Actually, I do not know what else I want to say. I will be typing up all my notes and putting them on google docs if anyone wants to look at them. But I do not know when that will get done. Feel free to ask to see them/get them emailed to you.
So outreach... I leave in five days and I still have a need of about $1000. Give or take about $100. Please be praying with me that this need comes in. I know that my Father has this one in the bag. Also, I want to say thank you to all who have already given to me and to my school. We are so grateful that you decided to partner with us in this journey.
I am so excited to go with this group overseas. My first trip!

Plane Tickets

This morning the remaining team member, but two, bought plane tickets!
How do I explain how exciting this is! Other than, well money and clothes and packing and everything really, I am set to go to Thailand!
Oh Jesus, how excited I am to go on this journey with You. I know You are paving the way and making this way more than possible for me to go. Even if I do not see how that is going to happen.


It is time for bed. Two more days until break and Texas!
See you soon! And there, I will actually be posting updates of the school and going through notes and such, so be prepared.

Outreach Dos

Over the last two weeks the TC has been in an uproar. On Thursday, December 6th, we went out to downtown Madison and handed out hot chocolate for free as a fundraiser, as many of you know.
We were able to pass out all one thousand cups of hot chocolate and I was completely amazed at the amount of people who were willing to come behind me and my fellow students to sponsor and partner with us as we raise funds for outreach. So much money has already poured in and we are still waiting on others to be able to donate, but all of us agree: this is something special that we are privileged to be a part of.
In more was than one has this process of telling, asking, and receiving have I been overwhelmed.  Not only in the just asking, but the waiting to see who will support me in my journey, but also being supported. Each time my uncle says something to me, I think I am going to cry. I am almost positive he is my biggest supporter- not in finances because there have been larger donations, but in just overall support.
Thanks Wink. You make me so proud; mainly because I know and see the difference since Christ has been seated on the throne of your heart. I want to always be like you.
That was kind of a random side not, but I just had to get that out there and brag on my uncle. Obviously, he is the best. But he is not the only one. There are people who have heard and said "Yes, I would LOVE to support you." Or "I believe in what you are doing!" And, honestly, I am probably the worst person to be explaining about what God is doing, has done, and will do and about what we will be doing over in Thailand.
I would like to take a few moments to try to explain a little better about this journey myself and 16 other adults and a two year old will be taking.
On the 30th of December we will be flying out of the USA, layover in Tokyo, then onward to Bangkok, Thailand.  We will spend New Years in Bangkok, do prayer walks, and get to know the city. Our first stop will be on the border of Myanmar and Thailand in Mae Sai. Here we will be doing border ministry in various ways. We will be working with the Chinese, Burmese and hill tribes. Here we will work with refugees, orphanages, and English schools. We are also looking at doing some medical clinics, sports camps and, of course, evangelism. From here we will move on to Chiang Mai.
In Chiang Mai, we will work with Karen refugees! Our main focus here are the mountain villages, hostels, and providing medical clinics. We are also waiting to hear back from a boys' home here. From here we travel on to Mae Sot.
In Mae Sot, we will be working at a school called "Morning Glory". More than likely, we will be doing building projects as well as working some more with refugees.
Between these locations in Thailand we have to leave the country twice and go into Myanmar. At the moment, we are not too certain as to what we will be doing here nor when we will be going in.
I have now been working on this update off and on for about two hours. It is after 11 pm and I have work out in the morning. Fun stuff!
Good night my friends!

Almost the End

     We are coming up on the end of our time here in Wisconsin. This fact saddens me greatly. I adore this place. This little schoolhouse in the middle of the cornfields where this Texas girl freezes twenty-four seven. Except when I have a beautiful cup of Tazo tea. Usually black, every now and again green, but always capable of warming me up. We have three more weeks of teaching then a half week of ministry prep then Christmas break and then outreach! I am not sure if I mentioned this before but I am going to Thailand and Myanmar. We do not have too many finalized details as there are so many choices and we really just want to pray into it and see what God is leading us to. However, there has been confirmation on several things. Some include, medical camps, child soldiers, a boys' home, the Karen people/refugees, and the red light district. We are all getting excited about our opportunity to show the light, love, and truth of God. I would love to say that we are all able to go at the moment, but many of us lack money. Why is it that it always comes back to finances? We have our first school-wide fundraiser coming up on the 6th of December. We will be passing out hot chocolate to university students for free and from the amount we pass out we will receive the previously pledged amount from those sponsors. I hope that makes sense. Our second school-wide fundraiser is our annual benefit dinner. (By "our" I mean YWAM Madison.) Here, we will be making the meal, serving the meal, providing entertainment, and cleaning up, of course. Those of us that work this meal will receive equal portions of the money. My Thailand team will also be doing other fundraisers, as well as relying on the donations of others for our trip. At the moment, my team needs over $90,000 for every member to go. Please stand in agreement with me before our Father that when He places the desire to give on hearts that our brothers and sisters in Christ obey. Even those who are not believers, that they would respond to the Father's call.
        I am officially going back to Texas for Christmas break. My dad splurged and now all four of us will be there. My older brother's girl was supposed to come, but I guess she is scared of us down south. All I want is sweet tea. And heat. And...I think that is mostly it. Ha
      That was just a random rabbit trail, one that I will more than likely go back and edit and add onto. But then again, maybe not.
    This coming week we will be learning on Destiny. The speaker for this week's topic should be arriving soon. The following week lectures will be on Rescuing and Restoring Street Children and the last week of lecture will be on Relationships. Can I just say that I am pumped about all of these topics? Not necessarily one more than the other because each time I expect a certain topic to be on something specific it is usually not. Which is fine..to a certain degree. Not going to lie, I definitely have a favorite week. The teacher was amazing, the classes where fantastic, and the Friday ministry time was too good to be true. But it is. Day after day the Lord proves His goodness in my life. And this joy that is form deep within cannot be faked. This desire to let all know of my freedom is not from me. God is so good. Speaking of which, I wrote a prose poem and performed in front of my whole DTS and staff. It was so great. So freeing. I love my God and I cannot deny all He has done for me. Let me pull up the poem:
     The Identity Factor

In a place of isolation and shame
Hiding from all mankind
Making an escape 
In a world all my own
Hiding; hidden
And now for my shame:
for what I have done,
what has been done to me
And who I have been
Abused and used
Neglected and rejected
Perfection pushed upon me
A voice 
Ever so calming
Ever so peaceful
Child come
No, I am
Too scared of being cast away
My fear of being rejected
Makes me the rejector
Then one day
Not too long ago
He beckons again
Child come
Though still frightened
I say okay
And in this place
Of heartache and pain
He begins to tell me
Though abandoned 
I have remained the same
You belong 
You are valued and worthy of my love
My heart's desire is for you
And you are certainly not your past mistakes
Day after day
He wrecks my heart
He speaks into me who I am
And who He has called me to be
He has planted this tree
By His living water
They say God doesn't do that
Yes He does
Go God!

 ©Maya Magdeleña

  There is a story behind the last three lines that my DTS and staff understand. That is more or less the reason those lines are there, but you can skip those lines if necessary. 

  Lately, the Lord has been speaking into me about my identity. About who He says I am. My small group and I made books and I have been using mine like crazy. I love that simple book that holds so much truth. And it is truth; I think that is the best part. The hardest part is putting that truth into action and learning how to believe it. Because it is a huge learning process but the people here are helping me learn and most of us are learning together. God never lies.

The Last Two Weeks

Two weeks ago today, the Rescue Ops focus left the TC for Ozark, Arkansas. Along the way we saw the hand of God and learned about His provision firsthand. Shortly after we started our journey the power steering fluid began to leak. By the time we were in Lebanon, Missouri the van would not hold any fluid. So there we are, twenty-seven students and staff hanging out on the side of the road wondering what we are going to do. It is a Sunday and way past closing time for anything that would have been open. Not even ten minutes later, a man, Bud, and his wife pulled into the gas station parking lot. Bud had just finished a men's retreat with his church and was on his way home with his wife when he felt the Lord tell him to pull into this gas station. He asked the question we all ask: Why God? Then he saw us and understood. We spent the night at a huge, beautiful church. We woke up the next morning and they provided coffee (we already had food) and a place to worship and plan. Later that day, we got in the van (not the one that was broken down) and headed to the camping site. We arrived around one in the morning and went straight to bed. The next morning our team was reunited, as we had had to split up in order to make it to the camp site, and we began to meet the YWAM Ozark team. Just to clarify, when I say "we" I mean everybody else, I hung back like I frightened doe. Our days were spent outdoors, obviously, and were filled to the brim. We had breakfast, quiet time, teaching, lunch, stations/day hikes, maybe some free time, dinner and then class and worship. By that time it was dark and some of us would go to bed (like me). Thursday they sent us on an overnight hike with the teams that had previously been set up. My team was to hike a creek bed, a dry creek bed, then pick up a trail and end up back at Base 2. (Base 2 was where we were dropped off.) The dry creek bed was the hardest part. These were not just rocks, these were boulders, covered in moss and leaves and getting more in more wet as the rain kept coming. We made it through with no serious injuries and began to look for camp as we knew there was no way we could find the trail that night, as the sun was setting. We had a window of about thirty minutes when it was not raining. We split up, looking for dry wood, (Jesus, please! Was our cry) setting up a tarp tent, etc. No joke, after we got both the fire started and the tent set up, it began to rain again. My team and I decided to do a HUGE no-no and put the tarp over the fire. We were warmer than we would have been throughout the night had we not done that. The next morning we woke, were able to find the trail, and what had taken us four hours the previous afternoon, took only two. We were the first team in and we were freezing and very proud of ourselves. We went back to Base 1 and waited for the other three teams to come in. They had two hours or they failed. Team 1 came in 15-20 minutes behind us and the other two teams came in after the time limit. We took about an hour then packed into our vehicles and went to the Ozark's base. We spent Saturday relaxing and spending time with each other. By this time I was seeking out others to converse with. On Sunday, we left the Ozark base at 4:30 am and began our drive to Cincinnati, OH for YWAM Finish the Task conference. Here we met up with the rest of our base and a few other DTSs from around the States. By Wednesday, I was spent. I wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed and know where everything was and know what the rules were and... I began to seek out time with just me&God more aggressively and with friends who would encourage me&&remind me that it was almost over. We were going home soon. We left Thursday night, and while I was excited I did not want to leave my Ozark friends. We traveled throughout the night and arrived home at 6:30 Friday morning. I went to sleep and woke thirty minutes before a dear friend left to go home. He had told me earlier that week that he was going home. Then, Thursday morning, he told me he was not coming back to the TC. I was sad to see him go, but I understood how this was a better thing for him. He needs this time to be at home, and we will support him here at the base. So much more to say and post, but they are not well-thought thoughts. My thinker is shutting down. Talk to you soon.

Survivor Camp

Survivor Camp was the best experience so far! I loved every second of it and my heart feels afire whenever I think of the ways the Lord began to show me His heart for the true injustice others suffer through. We left early and only really spent a day there due to a couple of incidents, but it has changed us all. They took away basic rights, but I had Jesus and that is all that truly matters in the end. It does not matter if I did not have deodorant or anything to eat other than rice and beans... although my team did win a chicken. (That story will come out later.) It did not matter that our camp was ransacked or that I got lost more times than I could count. It was about Jesus and finding the Father’s heart in what we, as privileged Americans, felt was completely unjust. If this is the way we feel about a little injustice than how much more does a good and loving Father feel about true injustice? Take a moment and think about the LRA. The Lord’s Resistance Army and Joseph Kony… how do you feel? Does your heart break? Do you feel anger at the fact he is killing his own people? That he is having children kill; children are abducted and never seen again. Now imagine how much more the Father’s heart breaks. Think about the sex industry. Child and adult pornography, children and women trafficked across cities and towns into various countries and/or continents. This is what my heart breaks for; anyone who talks to me feels my passion for this issue. How much more does His heart break? Think of the child who have nothing to eat and nowhere to go. Think how the older siblings are forced to give up a childhood and care for the younger ones. They are forced to go without so a little one can live another hour or day. Think of all the children who have lost their parents to AIDS and Ebola and various other diseases. Some of them are even preventable! There are so many other situations that would take too long to discuss, but if your heart is breaking how much more is His?! I began to ask my Father for my heart to break the way His does. As I continued to pray it out, I began to weep. I remember saying “God, this is too much!” and He responded back, ever so gently, “This is only the beginning.” Thinking about it, I cannot help but wonder how much more, how much deeper there is. Ever since then, I have been cranky, extremely touché, and having to apologize to almost everyone. So the fight has begun. But my Christ is a winner. Oh, big news! I switched over to Rescue Ops. I am so excited too! The focuses are different and the same, but Rescue Ops is more about human trafficking, which as you know, is my heart. I am so excited for focus nights and for learning all I can. I watched Nefarious: Merchant of Souls yesterday when everyone went into town and I was one of seven left at the base. Not going to lie though, I loved every second of almost everyone being gone. Anyway, it was awesome watching the documentary again and feeling the passion and love of God for these girls/women. I cannot want until I am released to speak into their lives and watch as the Lord transforms who they are in the way only He can. One day. One day the road they are on will no longer be the end, but a beautiful and wonderful beginning. No more despair. No more self-hatred and hate toward others. No more fear. Only a life so beautiful. Only a life remade by God our Father.

Day what?

Been at YWAM for about two weeks now. I have learned so much and have been eating up every little thing. Speaking of eating, it is really strange to eat more than once a day, but I am getting better at it. I have one girl who is almost mothering me into submission at meal-times, in a nice loving way of course. haha She is from Texas too. Well, there is actually three of us totally and we are from relatively the same area! I am learning so much here and am experiencing community like never before as the boys and girls dorms are in the same building. I have the best work duty/community responsibility ever. And the greatest team to do it with. I am on the janitorial staff and it is so great worship the Lord while cleaning the boys' bathroom with Marlo. She and I sing so off key everyone wants us to just be quiet, but why should we? He is enthroned upon our praises! Even if we are in the bathroom! We found out our outreach locations and by Tuesday of next week we will know our teams! So exciting! One thing the Lord has been teaching me this week is joyful surrender. This has been in my personal quiet time. So as of yesterday, I am single and a little bruised, but I know my God is good. So good. And so jealous as Raique was an idol in my life. I know that He has it all under control. And I know that He knows what He is doing. I am excited about things to come. Time for me to get other stuff done.

Madison, WI

I arrived last night at the base. We were all exhausted, yet some how still trucking along. We received a nice welcome and a nice little tour of the base. Then we just hung out. It was so nice to get to know some of the girls and DTS leaders. I think I might have been most nervous about meeting the leaders and I am still nervous about meeting my one-on-one. I have met most of the leaders, but we don't have a one-on-one yet. Or at least we have not been told who we have. Tonight is a welcome dinner and meeting all the other students who have come in during the time we are in town. The base feels like home already and I am super happy about that. I was scared it would not. And that we would not mold into a family, but most of the girls have been real and honest and so I am excited that we do not have to go through a whole breaking down wall routine. I am so excited for classes to start. I feel like such a nerd saying that, but it is true. I am excited to start learning new things and doing new things...like stepping out of my boxes. Some of the girls and I were talking to the leaders and they were saying my DTS was allowed to join the Rescue Ops DTS in morning workouts so more than likely I will be doing that. I need other people to push me at the moment because I am so bad about it now. Ha. For anyone wanting to send me mail or if you want to donate to my outreach (tax-deductable!) the address is: N1707 County Highway N Columbus, WI 53925 If you are writing a check you can either place my name or YWAM Madison on the envelope, but put YWAM on the check. Also place a little side note saying "Maya Lanciault 2012 DTS outreach". This way it will go into my fund and not anyone else's. Thank you so much!

Home Stretch

Today, I bought my plane ticket, sent in my arrival information, and am currently waiting for my banana bread to finish baking. I have also finished out my tuition fees and will now be starting on my outreach fees! I am so excited. It is amazing to think that I have $3350 for YWAM.. well, not on me, but they have it. That did not really make sense. Haha Earlier I talked with a couple of girls going and then tomorrow night, we have all planned on video chatting and "hanging out" as much as one can over the internet. My list for DTS is getting smaller and smaller. More lines through more points. I am so excited. This is it. The beginning. I am still in need of wool socks and sheets for the bed and my passport (the actual book). There is something else I need too, but I can not remember at the moment. Mmmm, I can smell the bread. What a second, that does not smell 100% correct. Grrr. Oh no wait, my nose is clogged. Raique keeps talking about giving me a party or having one, but I am not big into parties. Because then people feel obligated to get you something or give you money or something and I hate making people feel obligated. So I suggested a Ranger's game. Hopefully that works and if not, oh well. On Saturday, September 15, I fly into Chicago, IL and will get to spend most of the day with some awesome people! I do not have to worry about getting anywhere but to The Bean, whatever that is! Oh! I smell the bread! Mmmm. And butter on top of a hot piece. Later y'all and sorry for being so scatter- brained!

First of the Lasts

This is it! My last day of summer school! My last day of school before I go to YWAM! As much as I dislike the stress of this place, I am going to miss it in a weird way. But then again, I will probably miss working too. I could not even type that with a straight face. Haha Lately, I have begun to freak out. I am scared of what is to come because I can not even phathom what if will be like... Which has me excited. Something new! But then again, I stay awake most nights trying to remain calm. But, again, when am I ever not calm? As my date of departure gets closer, my needs get slimmer. I still need $120 plus my passport and flight, but God's got this. I know this. Ashamedly, I must admit: I have been hiding lately. From everyone. Including God. Or trying to hide from Him. I have become the most dispicable kind of Christian: the word Christian. How do I advance the Kingdom when all I say is not as I do? I am frustrated with myself and annoyed that I have become someone I have never wanted to be. I have been hiding from people lately too. I have drawn back into my shell and I am okay with that, yet I am not. Honestly, I am tired of having to look at people and think about them not being who they say they are or not doing as they say they will. Or stabbing me in the back. Yes, I am strong. Strong physically, emotionally, mentally. Strong-willed too. But I do hurt and right now I would rather have a pity party for myself then move on. What might this have to do with YWAM? Honestly, I have no idea, but hey, you know how you can pray for me! Haha Gotta get going. Another final.

The Best Family

Today has been a long day already and it is only 9:30 pm. I have yet to eat, but I have been doing this for awhile now that I think my body is used to it. Not exactly something I want to brag about. Most of the day, I am stuck at school. Learning, or attempting to learn, biology and, actually learning, music theory. Thinking of food makes me super hungry. Food break. I guess wheat crackers will do. Ugh commercials. I just want to watch the Olympics. Not commercials, especially food ones. I got home 12 hours after I left and when I got here I had mail. Just as a side note: I LOVE RECEIVING MAIL so if you want to send me some. ;) So I had mail and I got excited. I like to try to recognize handwriting, so I covered the corner and released I knew the handwriting! I smiled wide and my dad looked at me like I was crazy, but I love this woman. :) My long-time friend, fondly dubbed Joey, sent me mail. I just want to reemphasize that I LOVE RECEIVING MAIL. Back to my story: I thought Joey was sending me a card or note saying she missed me cause I am that awesome or something of the sort. She was not. I opened the envelope and I saw a check. A check for $200. On top of that, I went over to my aunt's on Friday to hang out with her and my uncles and grandparents and cousins and mom and step-dad. We were having Cincinnati chili- the only chili I will eat. (It was amazing too.) Anyway, my Uncle Wink had come up to the Dallas Fort Worth area from Houston and we were all hanging out at B's. I had gone early by about an hour to just let B know what was up and hang out with my youngest cousin, Zoe. BB and I were talking in the kitchen, Wink being the chef was in there as well, and Brandi asked me how YWAM was going and if I was almost to my goal and my uncle pulled money out of his pocket peeled off a $100 bill and handed it to me. I started crying. It was the last thing I expected. From both Josanna and Wink. I am now down to $250. Y'all, I am going to YWAM Madison in September!! So excited. I will also find an address to the base at Wisconsin. Here you will be able to send money to me and receive a tax write-off. HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO DO SO YOU **MUST ** PUT MY NAME AND "OUTREACH" ON A SLIP OF PAPER. And you can also send me a letter. ;) My friends, thank you. P.S. It is now 11 pm

If I had a Million Dollars

When I was about 13 I was asked a question: "If you had a million dollars, what would you buy?"

There was a group of us at Starbucks. Our youth pastor and a leader or two and about 10-15 students. We had just begun our summer internship, Launch. We were sitting outside on the patio, circled around, drinks in our hand, dying in the hundred degree heat of a Texas summer. And one of the leaders brought the question to the table. Kids began answering: a fire truck, tons of shoes, etc, etc. Typical things any teen would answer and feel they needed if they had that kind of money to spend. The question came around to me.

I was not exactly the most open kid in the world. I was shy and awkward nine times out of ten. I was scared of everyone and everything. I was certain we would not be around long and did not feel the need to make friends and I was terrified of living and loving and losing, but I was always me. Always a girl I am still proud to say was me. At the time, I had an obsession with homeless people.

These people intrigued me. They filled my thoughts and daydreams. They made me wonder "Why?" and "Who are they?" and, I think, most importantly, "Does anyone care?". This last one burned my heart until finally I said yes. Yes, I care.

I stared at my youth leaders. I am still pretty sure I looked like I was about to cry and vomit. I swallowed hard and answered, "A house. I would buy a house...and give every homeless person a place to stay." (I believe I also said I would buy shoes to put on their feet, but I may have dreamt that last part.) It was a naive answer, but it came from deep within my heart. It was my greatest desire.

Today, I work at one of the many Starbucks in the area. Last month, I remembered this discussion and I began to think. Not long after that answer, my family and I began a ministry to the homeless. Today, my heart has turned to woman and girls. My heart breaks as I think of their pain and I wonder once again, "Does anyone care?". Again, I answer yes.

I began to think, if I had a million dollars.... I would buy that home again. Probably on a bit of land. More than likely, a big home. And I would fill it again. Only this time, it would be the women and children. The ones who have been broken and abused. The ones who cry out at night, but not aloud, in their hearts. The ones who question if there is a good God because of all the bad that has happened to them. The ones who have been raped, molested, and beaten. The ones who have miscarried after a beating or who have had a baby ripped from their womb without their consent. I see them. I hear them. And I desire for them to know. To know the truth.

It took me a long time, but I finally found peace in the truth of God. I ran as hard as I could, I cried out and still shoved Him aside. Then, I ran to Him. To arms open so wide. To the Man that bore a cross and my sin. To my spotless and pure Lamb.

I think about these woman and children and I call them "mine". How much more does the good Father? I look at these woman. I listen to their stories. This is their life right now, and I get so excited when I think about how the Lord will move and have His will. I know only He can.

It is two months until I leave for Madison, WI. Two months until YWAM and I am still in need of money for my lecture phase and in need of all my outreach money. Oh, and that girl I told y'all about- I have all her money and I am SO excited! Be praying and look for an update soon.

Unfeeling

And, of course, there are Web sites where you can sort through dozens of Houston massage parlors and spas, looking for the one that’s most convenient, perhaps, and selecting a girl that perfectly fits your specifications—height, weight, breast size, hip size, body type, along with the type of sex acts she will perform—and then, after the fact, rating her, just like a product on Amazon.com.
--Mimi Swartz
[Read the whole story here: http://www.texasmonthly.com/2010-04-01/feature3.php]

I read stories like Kiki's and I think to myself how can so many people be ignorant? But now I realize it is not a matter of ignorance. It's a matter of being unfeeling. How do you not feel for these women though?! How can you say there is no such thing? How can you believe that? I personally think that ignorance is not bliss, no matter what it is. In this case especially.

I have been studying on this issue more intently this week... mainly on the days that I am skipping school. Ha, no for real- I skipped both days this week. Actually, I am in the process of skipping this second day.

My heart burns for this issue. I feel a passion that I refuse to let go. I have a desire to see this change and I plan on seeing this change! This burns me with a fire that I do not want quenched. I keep asking the Lord to give me more and more of a desire. I deeper capacity to hold His heart. As we grow closer and closer together I can not help but sing Jake Hamiliton's song Sacred Obsession. "I have a sacred obsession..I'm in love."

I pray the Lord continuously breaks my heart for the things that break His, but mostly for the girls and boys and women in the sex slave trade. I can not help but think that one day my dream of having a safe house will come true. My dream of these women who had everything ripped from them- their pride, their dignity, their body- be restored. Yes, it will be a long road. And yes, it will be difficult. But seeing one of those be fully restored by the grace of God. Seeing one of them forgive the men who stripped everything from her, who raped her life, her soul, her very being. To see one of those girls, though tears in her eyes, stand and offer forgiveness and gain acceptance. That she was not the one in the wrong, that she was not the one who committed the evil, no matter what people say. To see one. It would all be worth it.

Worth all the tears. All the obsessive research. All the nights that I could not sleep. All the days I thought would never get better. All the days that brought me to this moment. All the pain and heartache. The mornings of quiet time when I can think of nothing else- when I long to pray for my coworkers and bosses and best friends; my boyfriend and his family, and my family. When all I can do is cry and say nothing. Or speak in tongues because I do not even know how to pray. It would be worth it all.

I work two jobs, but I am focused on one thing: God. I have the most amazing boyfriend, but my heart yearns for one man: Jesus. I go to college, but I do not need a degree to tell me what the most important of these is: love.

Ephesians 6: 13
Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist the evil day, and having done everthing, TO STAND FIRM......16 In addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

I recently received an email from YWAM telling me that the DTS lecture phase is $100 more than I originally thought. Back to the drawing boards friends. Be praying. I am still saving up for the OTHER girl.

Life comes at you

So I just dropped TWO classes out of my five. I'm trying to control the emotions of frustration and anger...at myself, at my professors, and at life. Why is it that now, 5 months before I am supposed to leave that all of this is coming crashing down on me? I do not want to pay rent, but I'm okay with it. I don't want to go to Summer I AND Summer II, but I need to in order to get my associate's. I want to go to YWAM, and I can not help but think, what if I can't? My heart is breaking just thinking about it. This is it. I have been so excited about this opportunity for months and months and now...to come so close. I keep saying I am going, but...am I? I need a little over five hundred dollars to go to lecture. But I also need money for a plane ticket and a bus ticket. Money for the things I am going to need up there. I keep telling myself that the Lord's got it...but my head and heart are refusing to mesh again.
I guess it is time to go back to the drawing board and let the Lord be the artist 'cause I am horrible at it.
I am so tired.
I'm ready for Bryn and Julia to be back.

Still Waiting

There are days I just want to go out to the country-side and chill. Let it all go. And you know what; come the end of the semester I am going to. Maybe I will go to the Youth With A Mission's base in Tyler, Texas! I wonder if they would just let me poke around for a day. Maybe half a day. Of course, since my car, Gramps, died I have been driving the mini-van and that thing eats gas. Who knows, maybe I'll just save up for it. :)
Since I felt the Lord tell me to stop saving (it felt more like a rebuke, honestly) and start saving for another I have been praying He give me a cheerful heart. I feel like this would all go a lot faster if I could save up for myself and then for the other person. But I chose long ago to live in obedience because life otherwise is just a waste of time. So here I am. Needing the same amount of money. Needing my heart to change about saving for another. Needing to learn so much.
Lord, prepare my heart like I cannot. Change my heart that I would give gratefully when I could be just saving up for me. Help me Father.

I think that will always be my plea. "Help me Father". I always need Him.

Learning

If you know me even remotely well, you know I have a tendency to worry. I cannot help it at times. I grew up thinking that it was ME. I was the one to do it. I was the only one I should lean on. When I came to the Lord, I was taught differently, but I never truly put it into action. Unless I absolutely had to. I think we all do this... This "Lord, I give it to You" and then snatch it back when the situation does not go EXACTLY the way we want it to. I read a book last Friday (yes, the whole book) by Colleen Coble called Blue Moon Promise. In this story the lead character has to turn over her situation to God, but not only God, a complete stranger. She has to accept help from people she does not know. She is prideful, ambitious, and a control freak. Her story made me realize that I have been doing the same thing.
I may not have had to place my situation in a stranger's hands, but I have been worrying every little detail of my life- not even just YWAM. As of right now, I only need so much for my DTS to be paid for. Only my grandparents have donated to my schooling; I have worked and put the rest in. I am down to needing less than a thousand dollars.
Now, for my kicker, lately I have felt like the Lord is asking me to help one girl, in specifically. Today, I have decided that the last bit I need will come from however God wants it to come from. And the money I earn will go to her DTS tuition. At least until the Lord says otherwise.
I guess it is time for me to learn and finally let go.
If you would like to donate, leave a note and we will find a way for you to donate to me or my future peer.

New Walls

Today, at work, I was thinking about the church of Christ. No, not the denomination, but the church- the body of Christ. I got to thinking about the way people are. They are so different from each other. The word "individual" does not even begin to describe the way the Lord has carefully crafted each of us. It is amazing. Truly beautiful. Anyway, being so different from each other is a gift.
The way we each operate. The way we each think, feel, and speak. The way each of us is passionate about something else. The way each of us is dedicated to something specifically for us. Take one of my best friends, Bryn. She wants to be fluent in Spanish. She has an amazing gift when it comes to the camera. She loves to paint and draw. And I know she can dance prophetically. I, on the other hand, do enjoy linguistics, but I do not desire to be fluent in Spanish. I just want to be able to speak with my grandparents. ;) I cannot take a picture to save my life. Well, I know what button to hit usually. Painting and drawing are my venting. They are my outlet, so they rarely look presentable. Okay, so this was a really bad example, but I think it proves my point that we are different. And I love that the two of us are so! I think we would get bored if we were exactly the same. I think the Lord would too! (I love you Bryn!)
Back to what I was saying, people are so different. That means that we learn differently. Some people have to make the same mistake several times before they understand that they should not do whatever it was they were doing. Some people understand after the first mistake. There are other people who do not want to make a mistake. Who hate discipline. I am hoping you are beginning to see what I am getting at...
There are so many different people in the world. There are artists, writers, jocks, brainiacs, jokesters, etc. They do not all learn the same way. Artists learn by doing. Put a paintbrush in their hand AND explain the different strokes. Give a writer a word and they will go a million miles. Jocks understand..whatever it is they understand. They understand the plays; the Hail Mary's, the Blue 52s, and all the other ones. They call you out when you foot touches the basketball court line. Artists and writers have no idea what a Hail Mary is. (Unless they research it. And I am talking about "strict" artists, writers and jocks.)
If you are, or ever were a teacher, professor, or instructor of any kind, you know what I am saying. You comprehend it more than I even do.
This being said: why do we expect everyone to get what we are trying to tell them inside the church? Why do we use the same tactics on trying to get unbelievers inside the doors?
I do not know about your church, but mine is extremely diverse. We have theater majors, music majors, business men and women, house moms and homeschool students. We have teachers, directors of non profit organizations, engineers, construction workers. We have it all. We have a very diverse body.
Now here is what I am wondering: why does the diverse body not reach out in different ways? Why do the theater majors not put on plays. Do you know how powerful it is to SEE the story of Christ? Why do the music people not put on a show. Play your instrument and use that voice God blessed you with! I LOVE HEARING passion. It gives me the shivers. :) Why do we simply say "Yay community!" Why do we not say "Today, my community is doing..."? Things like this bring people together and it gives the body of Christ a new way to reach out and grab hold of those who are seeking.
Lord let us be Your creative hands and feet! Let the dancers arise. The bold who are not afraid to lift Your name. Lord let us be unashamed of the Gospel of Christ. Let us think of new ways to reach every tribe and tongue.

Redundancy

Last night, Raique (my boyfriend), Jacob (my brother) and I were chillin' until Raique decided it was time to work on a budget plan. He was writing out what he wanted in the next month, six months and year. Then the things he needed, i.e. rent money, food, etc. This got me to thinking: what is it that I want?
I have a mini-list now. And I'm proud of the fact I took the time to do this. The first thing on my list is God. I want a deeper relationship with Him. I want to be able to walk into a cafe full of people and be able to speak to them the way He would. I want to hear His voice so clearly. I want to be obedient because I WANT to. Not because I already went through the discipline of being disobedient. Like a good father He disciplines those He loves. (and He loves me best!) I believe that a deeper relationship will allow me to love the unlovely. To be a "father" to the fatherless and take care of the widow. I believe that the love of Christ will show through and draw people. Because I have seen it happen. It has happened to me. I want it more. I want Him more.
LORD HERE I AM. HAVE YOUR WAY.
Number two on my list: I want to marry my best friend. Now, I'm not saying today or tomorrow or even this year [unless of course he asks. ;)]. I just want to be his. Fully and completely. I want to say to him (this may need to be censored for children) This is my body. Not that that is the only thing that I want out of a marriage. I want to stop saying goodnight over the phone or through a text. I want to wake up and look over (freak out!) and see his face. Have you ever thought about how creepy that could be the first bit of life with the one you love?
Number three. I WANT YWAM MADISON. When I first got accepted, I contemplated getting a third job. (Yes, I already had two.) Raique wouldn't let me though. With good reason. He said that if God was God and He wanted me there He would provide. I felt like I got slapped. I just got so anxious that I wouldn't be able to go. And I have to remind myself quite often that I am not and do not have to get all $7000 plus I need for both phases. "Deep breath child" I find myself telling myself more than once a day. I just want this. Like I haven't wanted something in a while.
I need to end this post and get to bed. It's already 11 pm and I have to be at work at 6:30 am.

Just Another Day

I'm supposed to be finishing a College Algebra lesson, but...well, I don't feel like it. haha So I figured I mine-as-well do something constructive with my time. (I just want to point out that I was already on the computer.) A couple of thoughts for today:
First, a couple of y'all have come onto this blog because I told you about it, either verbally or in a support letter. "No longer the end". It sounds...well, to be honest, it actually sounds emo. Which was completely unintended. haha But there is so much more than it being an AWESOME phrase and blog name. (Judge me if you want, but I think it is awesome.) Kuglin and I were talking the other day...Let's see, it was Sunday, after church. Kuglin was a youth leader when I was in the Shady Grove youth group. Not that it was THAT long ago, but it's been a couple of years now. She has such a pure and good heart when it comes to "her kids". So she and I were talking, asking what was going on in the other's life these days, etc. We started discussing YWAM and the opportunity I now have presented to me. I began to cry as I explained to her the passion I have for these children.
My family and I have been active volunteers at the People That Care Center in Grand Prairie for years now and I honestly love the people there. The volunteers, the clients, and the VIPs (homeless men and women). I've always loved volunteering and being able to serve another. In fact, I would rather be volunteering than working and serving there! But then again, who wouldn't. Anyway, so as much as I love these people and the work we do, this is not my heart. My passion. My desire. I love it, but it's not.
No, my passion is for the woman who thought she could make it on her own at 18 and ended up working the street corner to make ends meet. My passion is for the girl who was sold after her father was lied to about how she would be taken care of and no longer have to work such long hours and still go to bed hungry. Her father did it for her, but he didn't know, and he never will. Yeah, she is taken care of- but in a different way. My passion is for the women and girls who work the streets. Always looking for a way out. Always trying to run. Always destitute. Always in pain. ALWAYS CRYING OUT.
I want to answer them. I want to tell them "I hear you! I'm coming!" And I am. One day, I WILL open a home for those women and girls who were trapped. The ones who were living our darkest nightmares. The ones who think that when they get out they will have some place to go then find they don't. SO THEY GO BACK FREE WILLINGLY.
How could we be so callous? How could we not care?! How can we continue living our everyday lives?
I envision my home filled with women and girls learning to cook and sew and...love and forgive. (Sorry, I'm tearing up.) I can see them. I can see the pain written on their faces when they first come to me. And the frustration they have when they realize they don't know what to do in "our world". The frustration of relearning how to live. How to laugh. How to smile.... and eventually, how to remember...with the love of God. With the grace to fully forgive. (God let it be so!)
Do you see now? Do you see why I just grin as you ask me about the URL? No Longer the End.
No longer do these girls have to say this is the end. There is no more for me. As they sit and wonder when they can leave. How they will make it on the outside. How people will respond to them. No longer. NO LONGER. For them, it will no longer be called "the end". It will be their newest beginning. NO LONGER THE END.
Second, as many of you know. YWAM Children At Risk lecture phase is $3,250. I just want to say, I AM DOWN TO NEEDING LESS THEN $2,000!! I'll figure out the total of what I need in a few minutes. And I'll post the total of what I need at the end of February, probably the day after I write and mail the first check.
Third, I am super glad I am no longer at work listening to "Happy Valentine's Day". I really wish I could have responded "Happy Hallmark- blew- this- day- out- of- proportion Day". Then add a sarcastic grin to it. Ah, that would have made me happy. Anyway, HAPPY DAY!
<3*

The Start

Hello!

Over a month ago, I applied for Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Children At Risk. Early January, I received my answer. I got accepted!
I am so excited to start this journey. This new beginning- for me. Not going to lie, I am super excited about being done with two years of college! FINALLY. Although, I may end up going back, I will be done with college for about a year. :D Or at least, I will have a break for about a year. Which sounds so good!
As of right now, I have to raise $3,250. And that is only for the first phase. (It's split into two.) My mother and I did a Valentine's Day Fundraiser. I will get a decent amount by the end and I am excited to see how people will support me. My boss gave me extra and I almost cried. He will be losing a worker when I go in September, but he is supporting me. I have never had such a support system. With my boyfriend, father, boss, and everybody else supporting me there is no way that I will not bask in it and go up there and learn everything I can!
This has been my heart for a while now, and now I can finally do something about it!
I'm getting sleepy, so I'm going to sign off and update soon!
Goodnight.
<3*