First of the Lasts

This is it! My last day of summer school! My last day of school before I go to YWAM! As much as I dislike the stress of this place, I am going to miss it in a weird way. But then again, I will probably miss working too. I could not even type that with a straight face. Haha Lately, I have begun to freak out. I am scared of what is to come because I can not even phathom what if will be like... Which has me excited. Something new! But then again, I stay awake most nights trying to remain calm. But, again, when am I ever not calm? As my date of departure gets closer, my needs get slimmer. I still need $120 plus my passport and flight, but God's got this. I know this. Ashamedly, I must admit: I have been hiding lately. From everyone. Including God. Or trying to hide from Him. I have become the most dispicable kind of Christian: the word Christian. How do I advance the Kingdom when all I say is not as I do? I am frustrated with myself and annoyed that I have become someone I have never wanted to be. I have been hiding from people lately too. I have drawn back into my shell and I am okay with that, yet I am not. Honestly, I am tired of having to look at people and think about them not being who they say they are or not doing as they say they will. Or stabbing me in the back. Yes, I am strong. Strong physically, emotionally, mentally. Strong-willed too. But I do hurt and right now I would rather have a pity party for myself then move on. What might this have to do with YWAM? Honestly, I have no idea, but hey, you know how you can pray for me! Haha Gotta get going. Another final.