Last night, Raique (my boyfriend), Jacob (my brother) and I were chillin' until Raique decided it was time to work on a budget plan. He was writing out what he wanted in the next month, six months and year. Then the things he needed, i.e. rent money, food, etc. This got me to thinking: what is it that I want?
I have a mini-list now. And I'm proud of the fact I took the time to do this. The first thing on my list is God. I want a deeper relationship with Him. I want to be able to walk into a cafe full of people and be able to speak to them the way He would. I want to hear His voice so clearly. I want to be obedient because I WANT to. Not because I already went through the discipline of being disobedient. Like a good father He disciplines those He loves. (and He loves me best!) I believe that a deeper relationship will allow me to love the unlovely. To be a "father" to the fatherless and take care of the widow. I believe that the love of Christ will show through and draw people. Because I have seen it happen. It has happened to me. I want it more. I want Him more.
LORD HERE I AM. HAVE YOUR WAY.
Number two on my list: I want to marry my best friend. Now, I'm not saying today or tomorrow or even this year [unless of course he asks. ;)]. I just want to be his. Fully and completely. I want to say to him (this may need to be censored for children) This is my body. Not that that is the only thing that I want out of a marriage. I want to stop saying goodnight over the phone or through a text. I want to wake up and look over (freak out!) and see his face. Have you ever thought about how creepy that could be the first bit of life with the one you love?
Number three. I WANT YWAM MADISON. When I first got accepted, I contemplated getting a third job. (Yes, I already had two.) Raique wouldn't let me though. With good reason. He said that if God was God and He wanted me there He would provide. I felt like I got slapped. I just got so anxious that I wouldn't be able to go. And I have to remind myself quite often that I am not and do not have to get all $7000 plus I need for both phases. "Deep breath child" I find myself telling myself more than once a day. I just want this. Like I haven't wanted something in a while.
I need to end this post and get to bed. It's already 11 pm and I have to be at work at 6:30 am.
I have a mini-list now. And I'm proud of the fact I took the time to do this. The first thing on my list is God. I want a deeper relationship with Him. I want to be able to walk into a cafe full of people and be able to speak to them the way He would. I want to hear His voice so clearly. I want to be obedient because I WANT to. Not because I already went through the discipline of being disobedient. Like a good father He disciplines those He loves. (and He loves me best!) I believe that a deeper relationship will allow me to love the unlovely. To be a "father" to the fatherless and take care of the widow. I believe that the love of Christ will show through and draw people. Because I have seen it happen. It has happened to me. I want it more. I want Him more.
LORD HERE I AM. HAVE YOUR WAY.
Number two on my list: I want to marry my best friend. Now, I'm not saying today or tomorrow or even this year [unless of course he asks. ;)]. I just want to be his. Fully and completely. I want to say to him (this may need to be censored for children) This is my body. Not that that is the only thing that I want out of a marriage. I want to stop saying goodnight over the phone or through a text. I want to wake up and look over (freak out!) and see his face. Have you ever thought about how creepy that could be the first bit of life with the one you love?
Number three. I WANT YWAM MADISON. When I first got accepted, I contemplated getting a third job. (Yes, I already had two.) Raique wouldn't let me though. With good reason. He said that if God was God and He wanted me there He would provide. I felt like I got slapped. I just got so anxious that I wouldn't be able to go. And I have to remind myself quite often that I am not and do not have to get all $7000 plus I need for both phases. "Deep breath child" I find myself telling myself more than once a day. I just want this. Like I haven't wanted something in a while.
I need to end this post and get to bed. It's already 11 pm and I have to be at work at 6:30 am.
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