Okay... This is a few weeks late..
Week Eight has concluded with finishing 1 Thessalonians and if I am honest, I have hit a brick wall of exhaustion. The school has been so good and I am so grateful for this opportunity. God has been stripping out false thoughts and foundations, and together we have been laying new ones. It has been such a hurting, healing, and renewing process. No wonder after eight weeks I am tried. I have a solid ‘A’ in the course and I can say, with great conviction, that I have worked hard for it.
I finished up Romans last night… In lecture, we had a discussion about God’s sovereignty and man’s free will. It was really good. The tension between the two is such a beautiful thing and, truly, I cannot see how anyone would not want to know God for who He truly, beautifully is.
Colossians has been one of my hardest books. Why? Simple: the supremacy of Christ. Christ is the ultimate authority. Throughout the entire work of the book, I felt like the Lord was asking me if HE was enough for me. Sadly, I had to respond back with a ‘no’.
Let me explain myself here: Over the course of my life, I have sought for approval. I have wanted the approval of my parents, my employers/ bosses, my mentors, my friends/ co- workers, and yes, of course God. The problem has come in with me desiring the approval of man of the approval of my God. Something thinks I should do this- okay, there I go, or that I should not do this- okay, I will not. Yet sometimes, I have the conviction of Holy Spirit to do the opposite. Like now.
When I first began to pray about doing Bible school, I knew God said to do the first term and after that, the other terms were a bonus. I was determined to have the other two terms with my first term, but the money never came in, so I have been having to take time away from homework to pray and seek God on what I am to do. Actually, it was more along the lines of telling God what He needs to be doing for me to be happy. Okay, honestly, Uganda is not my context. There is just so much about the culture that I just cannot wrap my mind around, but in my first location (Arua), I was praying for contentedness- the kind that Paul writes about in Philippians. Here in Jinja, I have actually found it. Yeah, it is lonely sometimes. Yeah, I wish town did not take forever to get to (like 30 mins). Sure, I am having a hard time remembering certain English phrases mean something else here. And yes, I am tired of cold showers that leave me with goose bumps and the desire for a cup of cocoa. But even with all of that, I am content. I have my Jesus. I am growing and changing and I literally do not recognize the person I have become. God promised this school would be a time of transformation and He is still fulfilling that promise. I will go to the ends of the world to follow Him. BUT, at this point, I am not at the point where I seek His approval first.
I flew to Uganda, East Africa on a one- way ticket. I have been fundraising for the money to continue on in the school then return home, but after many appeals I still do not have the funds. Each time I have gone to God in prayer on who to ask, I have a blank page in the end. Do not get me wrong, I KNOW God is faithful, but I also know He only promised term one. After struggling for the last week, I have made my decision, with the conviction of the Holy Spirit inside me, to pursue going home after term one. Many tears have gone into the process because this is not what I want.
I want to stay. I want to delve deep into the Old Testament and come up praising God for who He is. But God has been showing me that I am fully equipped with the tools to do just that. AND that I can bring other people along with me on the journey to see God as He truly is- always sovereign, always faithful, always in control, always just and always merciful. I have seen so much of God in these last 14 weeks of my trip to Uganda that I cannot even remember why I had a problem seeing Him any other way than how He is.
He is so beautiful.
So glorious.
Grace and peace.
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