You ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you are constantly losing? No, not is not the question I am wanting to ask- do you ever feel like where you are starting is so far away from the starting line? As I explained it to my roommate this morning- you are told your test is over the one mile, but you have to start half a mile from there and still get tested over the one. Oh, did I mention the other runners are only running one mile?
That is how I have felt for years.
No matter how hard I try, I am still striving to only get to the starter’s block. I looked at myself as impure and unlovely and one that could not be part of the bride of Christ because I was a stain in the church. Man. I was so wrong.
All of this came about with 1 Timothy. (It is a really good book. Takes fifteen minutes to read through the whole thing.) A theme I traced was living a godly and blameless life. At the beginning of the book, my soul felt sad. I could feel myself sinking into a bout of depression and I was scared that I would not be able to get out of the slump. Anyway, so I was sad. I remember thinking: if only one day I could be good enough to begin this journey to godly and blameless. If one day, I too could be considered unstained. See, I have just been so convinced that there is NO WAY I am not pure/ blameless/ unstained/ lovely.
Yet, that is not how God sees me. Engaging with God and Holy Spirit as I went through 1 Timothy, broke that mindset. Somewhere in the book I began to see and understand that God is not saying “almost”; "you are almost to the starting line! Almost, keep going.” But all along He has seen me as His pure and blameless bride.
There was one night, Jack and I were talking and he said this to me. Almost the exact same thing. That he sees me as pure and blameless- the same way Christ does. And I remember thinking there is no way that they really see me this way because if they knew of my sins, if they knew my scars they could not look at me like this.
Today, God has been showing me that I am not starting half a mile behind the rest, striving to catch up, but rather it is through Him and His goodness and mercy that He has redeemed and renewed me. And that- HE- puts me at the starting line with all the others. HE is the reason I can then train myself in godliness (as Paul charges Timothy). I am not sure if I made my point clearly— picture Christ on the cross. His face swollen and bloody. His wrists caked with blood and the block under his feet stained with the blood that cleanses you and me. In one hand, He holds justice and sovereignty and in the other He holds mercy and free will. His feet will soon triumph over death. His death and resurrection will drastically change the world.
When I chose Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and made Him my King, God then put the blood of Christ over me and I was marked with Hid fingerprint. He claimed me and washed me and bathed me until I was white as snow.
But for years, I have not understood this bathing. I have been acting like there is something I have to do in order to be pure and white before Him. Yesterday, He showed me that this is incorrect- at my confession He washed me and put me at the starting line. It was my view that said I was miles behind everyone else and would never be able to catch up.
Maybe that makes sense. Maybe not.
But it was mind-blowing to me.
That is how I have felt for years.
No matter how hard I try, I am still striving to only get to the starter’s block. I looked at myself as impure and unlovely and one that could not be part of the bride of Christ because I was a stain in the church. Man. I was so wrong.
All of this came about with 1 Timothy. (It is a really good book. Takes fifteen minutes to read through the whole thing.) A theme I traced was living a godly and blameless life. At the beginning of the book, my soul felt sad. I could feel myself sinking into a bout of depression and I was scared that I would not be able to get out of the slump. Anyway, so I was sad. I remember thinking: if only one day I could be good enough to begin this journey to godly and blameless. If one day, I too could be considered unstained. See, I have just been so convinced that there is NO WAY I am not pure/ blameless/ unstained/ lovely.
Yet, that is not how God sees me. Engaging with God and Holy Spirit as I went through 1 Timothy, broke that mindset. Somewhere in the book I began to see and understand that God is not saying “almost”; "you are almost to the starting line! Almost, keep going.” But all along He has seen me as His pure and blameless bride.
There was one night, Jack and I were talking and he said this to me. Almost the exact same thing. That he sees me as pure and blameless- the same way Christ does. And I remember thinking there is no way that they really see me this way because if they knew of my sins, if they knew my scars they could not look at me like this.
Today, God has been showing me that I am not starting half a mile behind the rest, striving to catch up, but rather it is through Him and His goodness and mercy that He has redeemed and renewed me. And that- HE- puts me at the starting line with all the others. HE is the reason I can then train myself in godliness (as Paul charges Timothy). I am not sure if I made my point clearly— picture Christ on the cross. His face swollen and bloody. His wrists caked with blood and the block under his feet stained with the blood that cleanses you and me. In one hand, He holds justice and sovereignty and in the other He holds mercy and free will. His feet will soon triumph over death. His death and resurrection will drastically change the world.
When I chose Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and made Him my King, God then put the blood of Christ over me and I was marked with Hid fingerprint. He claimed me and washed me and bathed me until I was white as snow.
But for years, I have not understood this bathing. I have been acting like there is something I have to do in order to be pure and white before Him. Yesterday, He showed me that this is incorrect- at my confession He washed me and put me at the starting line. It was my view that said I was miles behind everyone else and would never be able to catch up.
Maybe that makes sense. Maybe not.
But it was mind-blowing to me.
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