So I began fundraising last week to join a medical missions team in Honduras for 10-11 weeks. I wrote out my 'hey, would you pray about partnering with me?' letter and prayed and went to begin asking people to join me. And froze. I literally began panicking and it made no sense to me.
So I prayed. Asked God what was going on.
And very gently he told me that I do not think I am worth investing into. This had been a thought pattern that I have tried to conquer for the longest time, and I have had huge breakthrough in... and now am slipping back into?
It was pretty disheartening to hear.
I took out my gratitude journal and began to write. I am grateful I can go. I am grateful for people who send me. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn. I am grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus- something I get to share as I learn. I am grateful... and I just kept writing.
I needed to take my mind and heart of how discouraged I felt. As I wrote and kept writing, I felt this peace flood over me.
1 John 4.18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.
Fear. noun. an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. verb. be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
Why should I fear something? Why should I fear that I am not worth what I am. I literally have it permanently on my body: worth it. Scrawled behind my right ear. (Maybe one day it will sink into my brain.) My worth is found in Christ alone. He declared me invaluable. He contradicts my feelings in ways that I cannot. He brings truth, always. There is no lie in him.
So this is me acknowledging my fear. This is me inviting people into my process of discovery of how invaluable a human I am. This is me saying I cannot do it without you...
So I prayed. Asked God what was going on.
And very gently he told me that I do not think I am worth investing into. This had been a thought pattern that I have tried to conquer for the longest time, and I have had huge breakthrough in... and now am slipping back into?
It was pretty disheartening to hear.
I took out my gratitude journal and began to write. I am grateful I can go. I am grateful for people who send me. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn. I am grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus- something I get to share as I learn. I am grateful... and I just kept writing.
I needed to take my mind and heart of how discouraged I felt. As I wrote and kept writing, I felt this peace flood over me.
1 John 4.18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.
Fear. noun. an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. verb. be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
Why should I fear something? Why should I fear that I am not worth what I am. I literally have it permanently on my body: worth it. Scrawled behind my right ear. (Maybe one day it will sink into my brain.) My worth is found in Christ alone. He declared me invaluable. He contradicts my feelings in ways that I cannot. He brings truth, always. There is no lie in him.
So this is me acknowledging my fear. This is me inviting people into my process of discovery of how invaluable a human I am. This is me saying I cannot do it without you...
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