This last week flew by. I cannot believe
that the 2013 DTS lecture has come to a close. Welp, I guess time really does
fly. And now it is time for Christmas break. Well, I guess I am officially on
Christmas break even though I am not where I am spending my Christmas. Speaking
of, I am at the airport and I am hungry. Only if I go get something to eat, I
have to bring everything. TSA and everything, you know.
It amazes me that I have spent the last seven and a half months here (not the airport, but Wisconsin). I have made some amazing friends, through SCF and this year’s DTS. I am excited at the possibility of going on outreach with the Nepal and India team (I still don’t have a plane ticket) and I know that, no matter what, God is going to work through the lives of everyone who goes- or stays.
It amazes me that I have spent the last seven and a half months here (not the airport, but Wisconsin). I have made some amazing friends, through SCF and this year’s DTS. I am excited at the possibility of going on outreach with the Nepal and India team (I still don’t have a plane ticket) and I know that, no matter what, God is going to work through the lives of everyone who goes- or stays.
Lately,
I have been thinking about why I do what I do. What are the real reasons? Not
just what I want to think or hear, but, in my heart, why do I do something? Why
would I purposely try to hurt someone or run from someone who might be the best
person for my life? Why do I think I know what is best for me when there is a
God who is in love with me and wants my best? Is it because I have watched love
and know that there is something about it that is not real and true? Is it
because I have thought to myself one too many times, “no, I would rather not
have something that could or could not be true”. I am often so realistic it is
sickening. I find I am void of hope many times. That my carcass is empty and shallow.
Why is it that I will look for something, anything, to push people away?-
especially men. Any little flaw or quirk- or even something positive. I look
and look and then when I find it I come up with an excuse as to why we should
not be friends. Why we should not even be acquaintances. The thing is, is that
I know why I do many things. Including those.
So, honestly, lately I feel God is challenging me. Specifically with this one question: are you willing?
And to be honest, I am not sure if I am willing. What if something goes wrong? What if I end up hurt? What if I hurt someone so incredibly badly? But thinking I could do it by myself is what got me to this place. It is why I am now in this place. It is why I am now sitting at an international airport, trying to not go eat, people watching and thinking about all of this.
I am a bit scatterbrained today and I cannot blame it on being busy because, as I said, I am sitting at the airport.
Okay, I have another two hours. I am going to go eat… I will be back. Also, I love children at airports. There is a 5 or 6- year-old- boy talking about how cool it would be if the pillar holding up the building was an elevator... haha
So I definitely ate some amazing food and had a great talk with my aunt. Something that I am wondering though is why is this flight so choppy? Haha And why I am I already hungry?
I think about India and Nepal and my heart yearns to go. I yearn to step foot into that land and say I have been and my heart has met the people I have yearned to see for a decade now. How good is my God that He would give me this opportunity? And yeah, at the moment it looks like a lost opportunity, but you know what- my God is good no matter what.
These past months, that phrase has been my song. It is always on my lips and ready to fall from my tongue at any moment, but not in an overused kinda way. Just simply in a way of, I have learned the truth. And therefore, I will speak it- and, hopefully, live it.
So, honestly, lately I feel God is challenging me. Specifically with this one question: are you willing?
And to be honest, I am not sure if I am willing. What if something goes wrong? What if I end up hurt? What if I hurt someone so incredibly badly? But thinking I could do it by myself is what got me to this place. It is why I am now in this place. It is why I am now sitting at an international airport, trying to not go eat, people watching and thinking about all of this.
I am a bit scatterbrained today and I cannot blame it on being busy because, as I said, I am sitting at the airport.
Okay, I have another two hours. I am going to go eat… I will be back. Also, I love children at airports. There is a 5 or 6- year-old- boy talking about how cool it would be if the pillar holding up the building was an elevator... haha
So I definitely ate some amazing food and had a great talk with my aunt. Something that I am wondering though is why is this flight so choppy? Haha And why I am I already hungry?
I think about India and Nepal and my heart yearns to go. I yearn to step foot into that land and say I have been and my heart has met the people I have yearned to see for a decade now. How good is my God that He would give me this opportunity? And yeah, at the moment it looks like a lost opportunity, but you know what- my God is good no matter what.
These past months, that phrase has been my song. It is always on my lips and ready to fall from my tongue at any moment, but not in an overused kinda way. Just simply in a way of, I have learned the truth. And therefore, I will speak it- and, hopefully, live it.
No comments:
Post a Comment