The Karen

January 20 

Tomorrow we leave for a village further up the mountain. It is already hard to breathe at this elevation, so this should be interesting.

We have been in Om Koi since Wednesday- it is now Sunday and we leave tomorrow morning. Here, we have lived in a hostel and with students. There are 39 of them, and they are all Karen! So awesome. And on top of that, they have all professed Jesus Christ. It has been amazing telling them out testimonies, teaching them worship songs, and hanging out.

My team and I split into two groups for this village: painting the hostel and working the farm. Since it was simply a choice and I had painted with Not For Sale last week, I choice to work the farm. One Kilometer away from the hostel, we walked, is a farm. They told us the name of the trees we were planting and helping to grow, but I do not remember. I think tamarin, or something close to that. They also had banana trees and animals. Around noon, we would break for lunch and return around three, after the strongest  part of the sun. We would work until the students got out of school, around five, head back to the hostel and hang out. One night, I asked one of the boys, Suracha, to teach me a song. He ends up going to bed before this happened, but two of the girls, Branie and Lowet stayed  to hang out. Kaylie, one of the leaders, ended up joining us and we worshiped in English for a little and then Kaylie remembered a song she learned in Burma last year. They knew it. They sang in Thai, we in English. Then we asked them to teach us in Thai. So we sang for awhile, learning the song, making awkward faces, and finally getting it down. Last night, Saturday, I learned This Is the Day in Thai and we taught them a couple of songs in English. Now, they prepare for school tomorrow and, I guess, a send off for us tonight, most of my team is packing (other than those who left this morning for Chiang Mai) and, obviously, me. 

I had to get my thoughts down.

Tomorrow we leave, but we return to the hostel for a night after our time in Mew Kler Kee. I will probably cry then. 

Okay, time to go to the store.

Tonight(Sunday), the Karen people put on a program for us and some of the house sponsors. I went up to share a testimony on the Father's heart for us based off of my own experience. I got through without crying, but when I sat down I was shaking. I took a second to calm down and during that moment a woman came up to me and placed her scarf around my neck. I never got her name, but I will never forget her gesture of love to me. The scarf is pretty but the heart behind the gift is beautiful. Ah, God. :) and I shared in front of Buddhists. Ah, so cool God!

January 25

We leave Omkoi for good in the morning. Our school week in Mew Klew Kee was fantastic. Pretty much fell in love with the village. We taught English, the chicken dance, learned a little Karen and attended a wedding feast by accident. I cried as we left, heck, before we left. Then we arrived in Omkoi and I walked off by myself and found a lovely spot. I watched some girls play and enjoy the river, and I sang. I forget most of the song, but it was about the lives that I had collided with while here in Thailand. The lives of Dow and Oot and Simon and Mae in Mae Sai. And the lives of New and Dang and Suracha in Omkoi and the lives of Ibree and Thanglare and everyone else whose name I either do not remember or can not figure out how to sound out phonetically. The song was about how my heart is now in two; one part with me and the other with them here in the different parts of Thailand. And I cried as I sang because I sang my heart although I did not fully know what my heart was saying or wanting. 

Now I know a little of it. Today, I journaled how if God wanted to give me some of my heart's desires, I know which ones I want. ;) I know that this thinking is not...the best, or even correct, but if God were to ask me what I wanted; I know. I want a country and two people groups. Yeah, that's right. I want Thailand. I want the whole country. And I want the Shan and Karen people. 

There is a slight problem with these desires of mine, but I won't say what it is.

Even if I can not live in Thailand, I will be pounding on the door of heaven daily for this country, these people. 

Because my heart is in two

One part with me

And the other part

In the different pieces of Thailand that I have been to.

And we still have Mae Sot and Burma to go to.

January 27

Big surprise here! Got lost! Literally have no idea where I am, but that is part of the fun. ;) 

Wish I had brought a band aid though.

You know, I seriously have no idea where I am. Somewhere in Chiang Mai, but I went through a sketch part of town and now I am just looking for the wall. Haha from there I know where I am at. Still looking for a towel as well. Oh and my Aladdin pants. :) night market for those though. Oh, I ended up at Tops supermarket and found.. NUTELLA! One happy girl right here. Thinking about just getting a tuk tuk and going back to the hotel, but I stopped for a milkshake. I should have stopped somewhere with a bathroom though. Ha

Mae Sai part 2: Saying Goodbye

It is odd to think that this is my last full day in Mae Sai. I have fallen in love with this place and these people. Today lunch is at the same place as my first meal here in Mae Sai. God, I do not want this to ever be over. I want to continue on in this land, yet my heart yearns for elsewhere. Mayhap, just as travels as I would love to stay here. Learn the culture and the language. Know the land and different tongues. And yet, Moldova, Romania, Russia, India, and Myanmar are on my heart. Am I just to be held by these nations with no respect to my heart? Am I to be torn between the nations of the world? Will I have the privilege to simply do it all as The Lord calls me to?

There is no reason to stress about it. I just want to know. I want to wonder, write it down, and maybe see it come to pass.

(An hour later) It is amazing to think that right now, as I look at Memuyl and his friends that this could possibly be the very last time. How did this time pass me by? Was there more I could have done? Some other way in which I could have truly affected his life? I feel like, for a Monday, Mae Sai is not as busy. But then again, is it only me who feels this way? I am ready to cry as I think about my young friend and the life he is choosing. Why is it that we desire change for him moreso than he himself? Addiction. I hate that world and the ugly truth behind it. Memuyl is an addict. And nothing I do or say will change that. No matter how much I wish it would.

(Almost fifteen minutes later) I just said goodbye to my young friend and as much as I did not want to, as much as I knew I could not, I cried in front of him. And I am still crying. Crying and walking. Better than driving and crying.

(An hour and a half later) Somehow I made it back to the house. It is 4 pm and I have been out for the last 4 hours by myself. Now I feel like I need another 5 or 6 to cry and process. 

Saying goodbye is something I hate. Goodbye, to me, means forever. Yet I know I cannot say "until next time" because I do not know if there will be one. As I am saying goodbye to Memuyl and I begin to cry and walk away, he calls after me, "Maya , no". As he wipes his own eyes to explain what he is saying no about. I nod," I know". But I only cry harder. I walk away faster and he is calling after me. 

Maya, you Yim.

I know what he is trying to say, but it does not change the fact that I have no smile for this moment. I let the tears fall; at this moment I do not care if it is not a part of the culture. And I walk. I let my feet lead because my eyes are too full and I end up walking past the Not For Sale drop in center. I worked here all week and I was really surprised that is where I ended up, but it is. Assumpta came out and called to me as I had walked past the center, I turned and there she is in the middle of the road a huge grin on her face. " you and team not leave yet?" 

"No, tomorrow." I can not have this conversation right now. I want to finish crying over one goodbye before I need to add another. I walk in with her to meet some of the staff. Oot and Dow are there and all I want to do is run away. I do not want to have to say goodbye. I cannot be Yim right now. I say goodbye and Chu runs out of the building after me. Not the baby. Why is it that children pick up on feelings more than adults? Or at least are more keen to? I walk, again letting my feet lead. And I end up back at the house and am now sitting in the balcony continuing to cry and continuing to believe that even if there is nothing more I can do in this city God is faithful. I was not here this past week for nothing. Even if nothing else, I changed the spiritual atmosphere around here and made some great friends.

Week One: Already Broken

We arrived in Bangkok on January 1, 2013 so Happy New Year. Although for many of you it was still 2012, but we are all caught up now so it does not matter. Our first day in Bangkok was a relax and catch your breath kind of day. We went to the market for dinner and very awkwardly found food and something to drink as no one spoke English and we do not speak Thai. The next day we had orientation on the culture and went on a scavenger hunt for a couple of blocks around the YWAM Bangkok base. I am pleased to announce that my team was not the one that got lost. The following day we got on a bus to Mai Sai. How do I describe that bus ride but uneventful and long? After thirteen hours, we arrived and were quickly picked up by our contact, Brandon. He took us to this wonderful house on the outer part of town, yet within walking distance of everything.
There are many markets in Mai Sai. Many of the vendors are Burmese who walk across the bridge daily in hopes of something better in Thailand. They do not know that "that something better" is Jesus Christ.
One thing that I noticed about Mai Sai since the very beginning is the street kids. They are everywhere, but mainly by or on the bridge that connects Thailand and Myanmar. They are here because of the heavy foot traffick and many foreigners.
One the first day, the leaders gave us money for lunch and said explore. I was with Grace and Cierra, two amazing young woman of Go, we ate lunch by the river that separates the two countries. After lunch we walked the big market then we went in search of adventure. Little did we know of what awaited us. Memuyl, a nine year old street kid. He and his street "family" were out begging. Asking each person for just one baht (baht is Thai money. Thirty baht is one American dollar.) I was taken in by two girls, sisters I later found out. Why were they here? Did they have anyone? God, why these two little ones? Memuyl ended up getting a bag of chips of something and the three of them plus another boy sat together to eat. It took my heart. It was the middle of the day, tourist taking tons of pictures and I just stared at these kids. We stood right by an arch that read "Northern Most Part of Thailand" a huge tourist hot spot and my heart is breaking over Memuyl and his friends. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do something. Memuyl eventually came over and asked for money.
"Are you hungry," I asked. All the while hoping he could understand. Turns out he spoke English. And have the sassiest "yes" you ever did hear.
"Come with us then," Cierra said.
Memuyl and another, Pitcha, began to climb the barbed wire fence. I feared for their safety, what if they for cut? Then we would have an even bigger problem. Neither girl could make it over, but another little girl did. Total we had three boys and one girl. They led the way to a restaurant and began to order food. Food came and as they are shoveling food into their mouths they begin to offer their food and ask questions. Do you have parents? What do they look like? Do you have siblings? Where are you from? Are you all from there?
Repeatedly they broke my heart. They told us all their names, but honestly I cannot tell you them. Like our names were hard for them to pronounce theirs are hard for us.
We went back later that night with two of the guys are our team, Brook and James. Memuyl remembered our names, but now a few days later, he only remembers mine as I see him daily along with the boys.
The three of us and Kendall make up the YWAM Not For Sale team. The team of Mai Sai only had room for four of us and we were it. We start our day with them around ten. We do work around their little house, helping them clean up and such. Yesterday we primed, today we painted and tomorrow we will finish painting hopefully. Then we go out to the market at three. With Oot and Dow, we give out vitamins and such for medical needs. Many of the people are Burmese.
Being in Maj Sai has opened my heart to the Thai and Burmese people both. There is a huge language barrier usually, but actions speak and I am determined that my actions with scream Jesus. Will point to the true living God.
There is still so much I want to say, but I need to sleep as the day starts early.
Please be praying for me and my team as there are many things going on. Pray we stay unified and we are humble with each other and before the Lord. Pray that when opportunities arise for us to share and show Christ, we will not be silent but speak with the truth and grace of God.