On January 1, 2016, I found myself sitting on a bed in Wisconsin asking Holy Spirit what my year was to be about. I got many things in prayer, but the big one was one small, loaded word: love.
I was to learn how to love those around me and those afar. I was to learn how to love without reserve; here are some of my thoughts as I head into a new year with new things to learn.
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13.4-7
Love is so much more, so much deeper than the adjectives Paul gave to the Corinthians. Actually, Paul wrote about verbs. Patience is something one practices, just like we must actively practice kindness. And humility and grace. See the thing about love is that no matter how much we learn about it there is always more to learn.
And, for me, this learning process was really quite difficult. 2016 involved three different countries, growing apart from old friends and closer to new ones. It involved making friends and accepting people as they are. It involved a lot of tears- after all, love mourns with those who mourn and rejoices with those who rejoice. Here are some highlights of what I have learned about love:
Love is active. Love does not wait for someone else to say 'okay, I will go to the nations and tell this people about Jesus.' Or for someone else to pay it forward. Or for someone else to encourage or champion others. No, love gets involved. Love gets so involved that it becomes emotional. Let me say it this way: In a race all the runners compete for a prize. A boxer gets in the ring day after day to practice both offense and defense. Even though both are solo sports (as opposed to soccer or American football) it takes a team to get that individual to the place of the best or greatest. And when the player fails you know who is there crying with them? Encouraging them to finish strong? Yeah, that is right- the one who loves them. See, love pushes us to be involved. It is active. I remember in Honduras, the midwife I was shadowing needed help staining her loft floor. She had just moved in and was overwhelmed with ministry, two interns, and trying to get settled. I had met her maybe the week before that and when she asked for help I honestly didn't think twice. I do remember not wanting to, but I also knew that this was a simple, easy way to show love to this woman. So I did. I got stain on my pants, I had to sweep the loft like five times, and I worked by myself for most of the day, but it was an active way to say "hey, you are loved.".
Love is soft. Man, was this a hard lesson to learn. For the longest time, softness equated weakness. But as I have studied God's word in depth (yet still not deeply enough) I have seen a SOFT God. I had to learn that softness does not equate weakness and it does not equate being manipulated or anything negative. rather, softness means... well, just that. Being soft. As a child, whom did you go to when you were hurt? Did you go to someone a prickly as a cactus? Or did you go to the person who showed concern and let you curl up into their lap (or beside them in that oversized chair) and cry and show your heart and the wound that occurred? Odds are, if you had someone like that, it was the latter. This person, this person who is vulnerable enough to show softness, shows a piece of God that is rarely seen. So many people believe God to be judgmental and hard. They see Him as callous. But the reality is is that if God is love than He cannot be that way. Love is soft. And I have a long road ahead of practicing softness, but I practice it.
Love walks away sometimes. Now, most of us know this one, so I won't spend a whole lot of time here. Sometimes, the easiest way to show someone love is by walking away. Honestly, the time I think of every time I was only trying to preserve relationship. She and I had a pretty rocky relationship and her tearing into me about nothing made me furious. I bit my tongue and walked away, but it did not stop the anger; not until later that night when she came up to me and apologized and told me that I had done the most loving thing possible. It blew my mind. I just did not want to explode on her, but it was in that not exploding that I learned to love her well.
Love serves. In the church today, we have an epidemic. We tell congregations that in order to be a good Christian that they must serve in some capacity. But the truth is, that we should NOT be serving unless it is coming from a place of love. I watched one too many people walk past a dump with homeless people and scrunch up their noses in disdain. I have watched people go out and hand out sandwiches to those who cannot possibly afford food and FREAK OUT when they are touched by someone who has not taken a shower in weeks. That is NOT love. That is duty. Love is NOT dutiful. Yes, sometimes we do things we do not want to do, but that should be coming from a place of love. We are filled up by Holy Spirit to be poured out as an offering of the Lord onto the world. That offering might be our life, might be our hearts, might be our talents- whatever you want to call it. But, really, that offering is love. Love serves because love is not arrogant. Love gets dirty. Love gets soiled clothes from playing with too many kids in a dump, or loving on a laboring mother and getting sprayed with fluids (it happened), or cooking one too many nights a week. Love serves. Not because it is the DUTY of the Bride, but because it is the RESPONSE of a Bride in love with her Bridegroom.
Love accepts. What is the one group of people that you just cannot seem to accept? Teen mom. Drug addict. Homeless man. Homosexual. Oh, those are easy to accept? What about these ones: the zealous Christian. The person who always thinks they are right. The sensitive. The prickly cactus sorts. The woman living with someone not her husband. We all have hurts. We all have things we cannot seem to move past. We all have that one (or more) people that we just cannot seem to get along with and accept as they are. Love accepts. Love looks past the flaws, past the outside. Past hurtful words and inappropriate actions (this is not condoning such actions). Love accepts us as we are and encourages us to be who we are created to be. God did not create us broken and hurt, that means that we are all on a journey of healing and wholeness. I am not perfect; neither are you dear friend, but love accepts. Not condones, but accepts. Huge difference.
And lastly, love rejoices & weeps. I went through training at CareNet (a CPC; if you do not know them, look them up) and the trainer said something along the lines of: "And whatever you do, do not cry." I had smirked and shot my hand up: "Does this mean we have permission to raid your office and cry afterward". I remember being in their place. In the place of numb, in a shell, uncertain whom to trust. I also remember kindhearted people crying for me as I would relay my story to them. They'd cry and I would sit there thinking why are you crying? Suck it up. It happens. But on this journey of love, I learned that while it may not always be appropriate to cry with the one who should be crying, it is always appropriate to cry when Holy Spirit is crying. Sometimes, Holy Spirit weeps for us. And sometimes, He weeps with us. And it is when He is weeping with us, that we are able to weep with the one who is weeping. Love weeps. Love rejoices. There were many, many tears that fell this past year. Tears of sorrow and yearning and tears of joy. There was one birth in Honduras that we were certain was a stillborn. We (the other intern and I) watched and waited and prayed with such passion. I remember standing in that room with her having to stop praying aloud because my voice was too wobbly. As much as I wanted to cry with that young mother, I knew I could not. That in that moment I had to remain strong. We finally heard a little cry from the newborn and we all sighed with relief. I also went back to the building that night and cried. In the moment of weeping, I still firmly believe it would have been inappropriate for me to join in, but in her moment of rejoicing I could. (As her doula, it would not have been professional.) I am choosing to go into a field where there will be MUCH rejoicing. After all, who doesn't love a newborn? But it is also a field of much weeping. At least there will always be someone at home waiting for me. And He always has the truth.
Love is many things. And love is always worth the risk. And as I continue to grow and change and ask Holy Spirit to show me how to love well I know it will involve many more heart risks.
This new year holds a new learning: Come out of hiding. Sounds like fun, eh?
"Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love."
