Lately, I have been wrestling with this thought: what will I do when a mother comes to me and says it is inconvenient for her to have this child? What will I do when a teenager walks through my doors, terrified, anxious, and alone?
What is my response to when love is inconvenient?
This morning, as I think about this & dream about a cup of hot chai tea, I can feel Holy Spirit with me.
Love inconvenient? What is this?
And so I begin to explain, as I have verbalized to the air so many times before. Love inconvenient is simply that. When it is inconvenient to love. When it is inconvenient to want the best for someone. When it is out of the way to be patient, kind, or slow to anger.
Slow to anger... I immediately think of an incident from this summer. A co-worker of mine had gotten upset with me because I got stuck at a traffic light and missed them and didn't make a turn with them and then ended up in front of them. She was upset, which granted- that week was extremely stressful, and I heard about it. It would have been so much easier to get upset. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to tell her to chill & cool down. But instead, I practiced love & I apologized. It was inconvenient for me. Because it had me off the rest of the day, yet the Mission Adventures team we were hosting had no idea.
Love inconvenient. I have already been practicing it.
Most people know me as one of two things- complete opposites on top of that. Either the woman who can burn water (haha, totally me!) or the woman who can cook for 100 people by herself (also me). What most people do not know, it that I actually do not like cooking. I would honestly prefer to not eat if it means I do not have to cook. But what is taking up over 6 hours of my work week? Yeah, cooking. It feels more like an inconvenience, yet the people who I have been cooking for have made it so beyond worth it. From K, who comes down three flights of stairs to say hi and thank me for cooking and ask me questions about me life to M who tells me repeatedly that I am a blessing to the house. Then there is N who literally remains me so much of a friend from Texas that I have a hard time separating the two. And even though A does not eat my food, he comes in a spars words with me and we totally have a little brother big sister relationship going on and I love it. This is my community for a few nights a week. And it is beautiful in it's mess and chaos and country music. It is original in the many nations I interact with just through that one kitchen. And it is mine. I would not have chosen it. In fact, I would have chosen to run from it. Holy Spirit led me. After months of crying out for community, He has given me this one for a few months. And I could not be more pleased.
Granted, this step of obedience was hard; I want to be one who always obeys. And honestly, this step of obedience was hard. Cooking is an easy way to love on this community, but for me there are more cons than pros.. Yet here I am.
I just finished studying the book of Ruth. Her's was a story of love inconvenient. Yeah, she loved Naomi. I have no doubt of that. And yet, I wonder- how convenient was it for her to leave her father and mother, her beloved country and travel to Naomi's homeland? If she was like any normal human than it was not that easy. She probably had days of crying and anxiety. She more than likely had days of being sore and in pain from gleaning- a work she had not had to do to get so little. She had days of thinking "when my husband was alive" or "when we lived in Moab we had..." Ruth was a human as you and I and she chose to love. Love Naomi- who had become hard and bitter. Who probably wept herself to sleep in the next pallet over for months on end. Who would fight her to eat supper because she "was not hungry" but really she had no desire to live. Ruth chose to love even though it was not convenient to her.
So now, I am back to my original question- what am I going to do when this is in my face? When a mother's heart is not something I can change. When a family says "one more mouth will put us out in the streets". Or when a teenager says "I could go to university, but not with a child". Or, or, or. There are thousands of reasons, thousands of ways love would be more inconvenient than convenient. And there will always be reasons as long as someone (or multiple people) feel backed into a corner.
But I want to be like Jesus. I want to look like him. I want to act like him. He would never turn the wounded and hurting away. He would sit and understand their anxiety. He would pray and see their deep pain.
He would do as He did over 2000 years ago- He would love when it was inconvienent . (good thing he doesn't have to die again!)
What is my response to when love is inconvenient?
This morning, as I think about this & dream about a cup of hot chai tea, I can feel Holy Spirit with me.
Love inconvenient? What is this?
And so I begin to explain, as I have verbalized to the air so many times before. Love inconvenient is simply that. When it is inconvenient to love. When it is inconvenient to want the best for someone. When it is out of the way to be patient, kind, or slow to anger.
Slow to anger... I immediately think of an incident from this summer. A co-worker of mine had gotten upset with me because I got stuck at a traffic light and missed them and didn't make a turn with them and then ended up in front of them. She was upset, which granted- that week was extremely stressful, and I heard about it. It would have been so much easier to get upset. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to tell her to chill & cool down. But instead, I practiced love & I apologized. It was inconvenient for me. Because it had me off the rest of the day, yet the Mission Adventures team we were hosting had no idea.
Love inconvenient. I have already been practicing it.
Most people know me as one of two things- complete opposites on top of that. Either the woman who can burn water (haha, totally me!) or the woman who can cook for 100 people by herself (also me). What most people do not know, it that I actually do not like cooking. I would honestly prefer to not eat if it means I do not have to cook. But what is taking up over 6 hours of my work week? Yeah, cooking. It feels more like an inconvenience, yet the people who I have been cooking for have made it so beyond worth it. From K, who comes down three flights of stairs to say hi and thank me for cooking and ask me questions about me life to M who tells me repeatedly that I am a blessing to the house. Then there is N who literally remains me so much of a friend from Texas that I have a hard time separating the two. And even though A does not eat my food, he comes in a spars words with me and we totally have a little brother big sister relationship going on and I love it. This is my community for a few nights a week. And it is beautiful in it's mess and chaos and country music. It is original in the many nations I interact with just through that one kitchen. And it is mine. I would not have chosen it. In fact, I would have chosen to run from it. Holy Spirit led me. After months of crying out for community, He has given me this one for a few months. And I could not be more pleased.
Granted, this step of obedience was hard; I want to be one who always obeys. And honestly, this step of obedience was hard. Cooking is an easy way to love on this community, but for me there are more cons than pros.. Yet here I am.
I just finished studying the book of Ruth. Her's was a story of love inconvenient. Yeah, she loved Naomi. I have no doubt of that. And yet, I wonder- how convenient was it for her to leave her father and mother, her beloved country and travel to Naomi's homeland? If she was like any normal human than it was not that easy. She probably had days of crying and anxiety. She more than likely had days of being sore and in pain from gleaning- a work she had not had to do to get so little. She had days of thinking "when my husband was alive" or "when we lived in Moab we had..." Ruth was a human as you and I and she chose to love. Love Naomi- who had become hard and bitter. Who probably wept herself to sleep in the next pallet over for months on end. Who would fight her to eat supper because she "was not hungry" but really she had no desire to live. Ruth chose to love even though it was not convenient to her.
So now, I am back to my original question- what am I going to do when this is in my face? When a mother's heart is not something I can change. When a family says "one more mouth will put us out in the streets". Or when a teenager says "I could go to university, but not with a child". Or, or, or. There are thousands of reasons, thousands of ways love would be more inconvenient than convenient. And there will always be reasons as long as someone (or multiple people) feel backed into a corner.
But I want to be like Jesus. I want to look like him. I want to act like him. He would never turn the wounded and hurting away. He would sit and understand their anxiety. He would pray and see their deep pain.
He would do as He did over 2000 years ago- He would love when it was inconvienent . (good thing he doesn't have to die again!)
